The Unexpected

The title kind of sounds like a novel, doesn’t it? Well, it probably is somewhere, but this is not it :-p

You are all probably wondering why you haven’t heard much from me lately, and if you haven’t been wondering you should have been, lol… J/K! In any case, I promise it isn’t because I have forgotten about you all. I will admit that I am not the best at blogging/journaling, although my intentions are good and I really want to be great at it. It is one of those things I hope to get better at.

I hit the proverbial pause button on performing because I was experiencing abnormal vocal fatigue and hoarseness. First thought is to probably think, “Well, Melody, then practice safe vocal technique… duh!” Good news… I have been, with an amazing vocal coach, and for quite some time now. If anybody, she would have noticed incorrect technique and nipped it in the bud right away… buuuut she didn’t, because it wasn’t that.

For any of you that have been close enough to me to have noticed or have had me tell you, I have had this lump under my chin for as long as I can remember. More recently I have noticed that it seems a bit larger and juts out more than usual, especially when I’ve been singing. For the longest time, I thought it was normal and didn’t notice it too much when I was heavier. It was nestled inside of my double chin, so it wasn’t as noticeable to me. Once I lost weight, that lump stayed behind… some thought it was still just a bit of a double chin left over… kind of like when you lose a ton of weight and have loose skin. Ha, that was until I let people actually FEEL the lump and they realized it was not soft, but actually hard. “Ew, gross!!” Sweet, maybe I can join the circus with this!

As you can imagine, I started to get worried, as did friends and family, and they all told me to get it checked out… like, yesterday! I couldn’t help but agree, so I decided to take a visit to the doctor… one of my favorite places… NOT!

The doc checked out my lovely lady lump… under my chin (come on, people, stay focussed!) She said she was almost sure it was what is called a hypoglossal cyst, and it needs to be surgically removed right away. She referred me to an ENT doctor to have them check it out, so there I go… on my way to another appointment. After explaining to him what my doctor said, he felt around my chin and neck and agreed that it seemed to line up with that, but he wanted me to get a CT Scan just to make sure and see where everything was lined up, while also telling me the risks of the surgery, recovery time, etc. I went straight to the imaging center and got the CT Scan done, and went right back to the ENT office. He told me that if my parents every told me I was special, they were right. YES!! I always KNEW I was special, but nobody believed me :-p

That wasn’t the special he was talking about, though. The first bit of news is that it wasn’t a cyst. Yay? The CT Scan confirmed that the lump was my thyroid in the wrong place, and where my thyroid is supposed to be there is nothing there. *cricket cricket* Umm… what does that mean? He said it still means surgery, but I wouldn’t have the risks to my vocals as I would have with the cyst removal. I am a rare case… they even asked me if it was okay to use my tests for research and study. He also said there is an increased risk of cancer, although still not super high. He was thinking I probably needed to have it removed really soon. He referred me to an endocrinologist for a second opinion and also to get a better explanation on all that is the thyroid, as well as setting up an appointment at the lab to get blood drawn prior to my appointment. I was really hoping they would hook  me up with another appointment, that’s all I kept wishing… (for those of you that know me, you know how sarcastic that is).

Now I’m in the office with the endocrinologist, accompanied by my husband (who’s accompanied me during this whole ordeal) and mother. We chatted, I asked a lot of questions, expressed concerns, they were shot down, I was left to feel like an idiot, although I know that I am most certainly NOT, and I refuse NOT to do my own research when it has to do with MY life and MY body. I think everybody should be proactive… it’s our personal responsibility to do so. And just so you know, I did not just ask Joe Shmo what his symptoms were and took it as gospel… I researched other endocrinologists, who have studied medical journals, etc. All of that little rant to encourage you all to be proactive and do your research rather than just being a robot and doing whatever someone tells you to do without clear sound explanation. You want someone who will work WITH you, even if you are wrong, especially if you have to deal with them for the rest of your life.

I digress… so sorry. The good news is that it is not hereditary, there was nothing my mom did or didn’t do that caused this to happen. It happened in the 2nd or 3rd month in the womb, during development. My thyroid never developed fully and didn’t travel down to its proper place, which also means it didn’t butterfly open. It’s just a mass of gland, and it ain’t small. He did tell me that my thyroid needs to be removed at some point, but didn’t seem as urgent and figured that my irregular thyroid hormone levels from my lab work was just possibly a bad day. At the end of the appointment he sent me to the imaging center to get an ultrasound to see what my thyroid looked like. He called me almost right away and told me that my thyroid is irregular, not smooth, covered in cysts, and that it is failing (which I told him I was pretty sure my thyroid had already begun to stop functioning properly because I had been having health issues since the end of last year, etc., but he didn’t believe me… proving that it wasn’t just a bad day for my lab work). He told me that I needed to start on thyroid hormone replacement (Synthroid) right away and he told me that after looking at the ultrasound my thyroid should come out sooner than he originally thought. I get more lab work done at the beginning of November to see how the Synthroid is doing and where my levels are. There are other things into play that we are prayerfully considering before having my thyroid removed, and I am also in the search for another endocrinologist who will work with me.

As for how it affects my voice, every time I sing or even talk a lot, with my thyroid being in that area, it pushes against things while I’m singing/talking, and then with the friction causes my thyroid to swell, causing it to push against things more which causes me to get vocally fatigued and hoarse faster than normal and explains why after singing for a while it looks like that lump juts out more. You can just call me bullfrog :-p

Because it might be a little while before I have the surgery, I am working on getting back on the grid with performances until that time comes. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be having the surgery right away… which would then require about a 2 month recovery period from the surgery itself, and then monitoring the hormone levels after that… so I didn’t want to schedule anything and I also wanted to have time with my husband to pray and figure everything out.

I ask for prayers and support, and I thank all of you who have been praying and showing love and support already. I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart! I am not worried, I am not scared… just glad to finally know what it is and for other things to finally make sense because of it. My head is still held high, and I won’t let it get me down. There are too many wonderful people and blessings in my life to let me allow this one thing to overshadow those. God has given me life, and as long as I have it I intend to use it the best that I can!

I am getting antsy to perform again, though, so I can’t wait to continue sharing my music with you all!

Don’t forget to love today! Don’t forget to focus on the GOOD in your life! Don’t forget to smile! Don’t forget that you ARE important… you ARE worth it! You are made for more than you realize and are able to do more than you believe you can!

God bless you all!